So I’ve gotten my eating under control. I’m eating healthy, exercising, and liking my body. It’s a great feeling. I would be perfectly happy except now I’ve started to drink again. I want to stop because I don’t like who I am when I do drink. I don’t want to be that person. I’m just not sure if I’m strong enough. Anyone in the USA want to text and sponsor me??
Finally went out and got a glass of milk (80). Was standing trying to drink it and I started feeling weird. Like black around the edges of my vision and really dizzy. I felt like I was going to puke but I think that’s because I haven’t really eaten (120). Idk what happened? Oh well daily total is 200!! (:
185.6!!!!
It’s still a lot but I wasn’t going to weigh myself because I was 190.2 a couple days ago. But then I put on my jeans and they were loose! They used to be sooo tight before! (: I’m excited. Finally seeing some progress.
Last night my mom told me I hardly ate anything at dinner and asked if I wanted something else. I said no and I had eaten (fruit, carrots, & celery). It made me feel so good though! I’ve been trying so hard not to binge and it felt like someone was finally noticing. prolly not the healthy way to think? I don’t care tho (:
Mkay do here’s the new plan. Still 1200 cals a day but I’m gonna post every single thing I eat. Maybe this will stop my binging?? Feel free to laugh/make fun/call me fat /:
Aw thanks to everyone who replied to my last post (: I’m def nowhere near strong but I’m trying to be. Right now all it seems I can do is binge /: I ended up purging yesterday too. I have no self control! I either eat too much or too little. There’s no happy medium. Idk what to do anymore. Thoughts??
So haven’t been on in a couple days…not sure if anyone’s noticed? Wanted to get away from the thinspo and triggers for awhile and think about recovery. I’m so tired of hating myself for eating and being hungry. For being overweight and living on the scale. I just want to be happy. I want to eat normally. I don’t want to starve, binge, or purge anymore. I want to be healthy. I’m scared that I won’t be able to though but I’m going to try.
So I just realized that I’ve been eating disordered for exactly half my life. Pretty soon it’s going to be over half my life. This is taking over my life, it’s becoming my life. It sounds so screwed up but when I think of how long I’ve had this, I’m almost proud. How screwed up am I?
Today was supposed to be weigh in day. I’m too scared to weigh myself though /: I know I’ve had to have lost weight because my pants are really big now. I just can’t seem to believe it though. I keep thinking that it’s just wishful thinking you know? Because I’ve probably gained weight. I still look so fat. I just feel so huge and ugly.
