Finally went out and got a glass of milk (80). Was standing trying to drink it and I started feeling weird. Like black around the edges of my vision and really dizzy. I felt like I was going to puke but I think that’s because I haven’t really eaten (120). Idk what happened? Oh well daily total is 200!! (:
So haven’t been on in a couple days…not sure if anyone’s noticed? Wanted to get away from the thinspo and triggers for awhile and think about recovery. I’m so tired of hating myself for eating and being hungry. For being overweight and living on the scale. I just want to be happy. I want to eat normally. I don’t want to starve, binge, or purge anymore. I want to be healthy. I’m scared that I won’t be able to though but I’m going to try.
So I just realized that I’ve been eating disordered for exactly half my life. Pretty soon it’s going to be over half my life. This is taking over my life, it’s becoming my life. It sounds so screwed up but when I think of how long I’ve had this, I’m almost proud. How screwed up am I?
